Rant on the 15th of January

[15/01, 8:02 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: Man last week wasn't funny sha. Really hate I had to go through that whole paranoia and emotional stress again just because of a situation
[15/01, 8:02 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: Got hold of things and handled it okay but it was stressful and incredibly draining
[15/01, 8:03 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: This new week will be better. Incredibly mentally exhausted. I feel myself just regressing and shutting down on some level that's the it way I can deal with it now.
[15/01, 8:03 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: Situational trigger.
[15/01, 8:04 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: Because whether or not he is dating someone else is inconsequential and it's definitely not the same as the Gori situation
[15/01, 8:06 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: Trying not to complain as much just push through. Complaining won't solve anything. Going through this same stage same situation of wondering hoping praying expectations, managing emotions. The cycle is incredibly vicious and leaves you in complete shreds. Everyone.
[15/01, 8:07 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: Everytime. And I'm getting incredibly angry and fed up of it that I have to be in this situation. There's really nothing to be done except make the most of it.   But that's not going to solve anything. Two weeks ago I was fine sleeping well and just generally okay then this happened.
[15/01, 8:10 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: It's normal and expected that I'd feel this way it's not totally left field and it's okay. I live in an era where at this age it would be incredibly difficult for any woman and it's amplified by social media as well. My aunt and I talked about this.  But I can't let it control me. Or stop me from living my life and all. So I just have to really manage it. It won't always be okay or fine. But just to make the most of it. Recognise the blessings of where I am now.
[15/01, 8:12 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: Preached today that the spirit is incredibly important in handling these things. The strength of your spirit is crucial to handling these things. At least I take some comfort that unlike last time when I pulled away from God etc and was so angry etc and just went off and did my own thing. Now I have to lean in.  Trust God for my business and just do what I can and do my best. For my mum for God to just come through and just deal with life in general.
[15/01, 8:13 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: Right now I can't find my hearing aids and I'm trying not to panic and trust God that I'd find it eventually. Have to recognise the progress I've made since Nov last year when I nearly had nervous breakdown. It's very possible that's going to happen again and I have to be ready.
[15/01, 8:15 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: The problem with counselling is I will have to unpack every emotion everything and it's very inconvenient for lack of a better word. Because I don't really want to worry my mum it's not like that I would be back together again. Something like a week to recover from just telling a streamer the story all the way from the beginning. If I had has a therapist since then okay but to start now. That's just long. Not ready for that
[15/01, 8:15 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: But it is well. It's a case of get your crap together buy some ice cream go for a movie and keep it moving.
[15/01, 8:18 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: With time I'd stabilise. It really does feel like God isn't listening or isn't hearing me at all. At least not for the last ten years or so concerning this situation.. Honestly but I just keep praying as I don't know what else to do. Like he just helps me with healing and the aftermath but even that I'm beginning to question that is it just a matter of timing healing everything or is it God don't even know. The only thing I can thank God for is I'm not in a bad or abusive relationship or marriage or gotten pregnant or stuck with some douche and I want divorce.
[15/01, 9:46 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: Just going to focus on just bettering my spiritual growth and God and stuff
[15/01, 9:56 p.m.] Bukola Dosumu: As per the trigger/paranoia and all that but I'm alright